Playing my Heart

Summary: A long drive, a single truck wash, and a long bus drive all lead to my complicated heart and emotions I wanted to ignore, especially when they were considered forbidden. However, a certain holoform caused a small bit of hope to resurface. Too bad, I wasn’t sure who was playing who, especially when it regarded one’s heart.

Warning: M (human/human sexual content)

The base was surrounded by dirt and rock. The beaches had fine sand. Almost every location near the base had something that could be quite irritating to any mechanical being if that being was walking, driving, or just plain doing anything along any type of earth material.

I watched day in and day out as each mech and femme practiced training with one another, rolling and kicking causing dirt and rock to fly in different directions. I talked to Major Lennox many times about keeping the Autobots cleaned, but most of the time, I was ignored.

Today, though, it finally got to me. I had to ride with the commander, not exactly an easy task to do. Since joining the NEST team, I had started to grow certain forbidden feelings. I worked closely with Lennox and Optimus Prime, especially on certain missions. We were returning from one. The mission had a few tumbling parts as the Decepticons decided it was time to make their appearance again. Optimus took a beating, and I could tell that this one was finally getting to him. He was exhausted.

We were pulling up next to a truck stop with a truck wash. The custom blue and red semi pulled to a stop. I exit out of the driver’s side to give the appearance that I was the one driving the vehicle. I heard Prime’s brakes hiss and released air as he settled down. The pure exhaustion could be heard throughout his whole vehicular mode.

I went inside and paid for a few things along with a roll of quarters. I hopped back inside the vehicle and directed Optimus toward the huge truck wash. No words were said by him as I hopped out and started the sprayer. I sprayed down the entire vehicle, careful about the underside, for I knew that his protoform was sensitive and a lot was visible underneath.

As I made myself around, I felt the vehicle shake, water droplets splashing against me. I raised my hand to prevent the water and heard a light chuckle from within the cabin. So, Prime thinks it is fun getting me wet?

Walking around the side, I spray directly beneath the semi towards his protoform. He rolled on his tires, his horn blasting. “Don’t get me wet without getting sprayed back,” I yelled at him as I closed the door. It made the appearance that someone else was inside.

Eventually, I got everything washed off of Prime, but I still wanted to do something for him to relax. Directing Prime to the shades behind the truck wash, I started cleaning the inside. I used a gentle touch, rubbing a cloth over every piece of him, including the wheel and gearshift.

It surprised me, though, as I came up from cleaning the bottom of the gearshift when human arms wrapped around my waist. My face held a shocked look as I was brought back towards the bed in the back, a strange human kneeling between my legs with arms on either side of my head. I stared up into icy blue eyes. I wanted to yell out Prime’s name when a hand covered my mouth.

“You thought you won by splashing my protoform and touching me gently? Well, you are surely mistaken.” My eyes widen at the voice. It was Optimus Prime’s voice but from a human… man?

“O-Optimus?” I mumbled it under the hand before I finally pushed it away and sat up. I looked him over. He looked almost five years older than me, with a dusting of gray through his blackish-brown hair. He looked extremely fit and sexy dressed in a tight navy V-neck shirt with his tattoos signaling his rank and status showing from under the rolled-up sleeves. “How long?”

He raised an eyebrow and looked at me strangely, “How long what?”

“This,” I waved my hand over his human body. “How long have you had this?”

“This is called a holoform,” he stated in a rather blunt tone. “We only use it when we need to blend into the native population or speak with the government.”

I swallowed hard and moved around him, slipping over the passenger seat and dropping out of the vehicle. I pushed the door closed and started walking away. I heard the other door opened and closed. I shook my head. I couldn’t think clearly. Relationships between them were forbidden. We all agreed on it. Mostly because of who the Autobots were and what was happening. It was insane, but over the time that I have been working with the Autobots, especially Optimus Prime, I grew to fall for him. I wanted to be with him. I wanted him. His human holoform just gave hope to my idea, to my feelings.

Tears burned in my eyes and ran down my cheek. I smashed my hand across my face. Why was I crying? Was it because this small hope was one that I knew would be destroyed once I voiced it? I hated the situation I was in. We were still quite a few hours away from the base, and I had to ride within him, knowing he had that all this time. It just didn’t seem fair.

“Are you okay?” His deep baritone voice spoke from behind me. I sniffled quietly and tried to calm myself as I nodded back at him. “Why did you run?”

I waved my hand back at him, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” I turned quickly and started a quick walk back to the gas station. I noticed a pay phone outside. I could call for a bus or even one of the other Autobots or soldiers to come and pick me up. It was probably for the best, too.

Optimus walked quickly behind me, his hand reaching out to me just as I stopped at the pay phone. “No, there is something. It’s because you saw my holoform, am I correct?”

I chuckled lightly as I tried to shake Prime’s grip. He tightened his hand, pulling it to his chest. “It’s not. Please, just let me go.”

“Not till we get to the bottom of this.” He turned and began walking back to his real self. I didn’t want to follow. I didn’t want to be in the same place as the holoform and the semi.

I pulled hard against his hand, forcing him to drop it. I pulled it back as tears ran down my cheek. “You just don’t get it,” I yelled at him. “You are so much more than a friend to me. What I see gives me little hope, but I know that is all it is: little hope.”

Turning away, I wrapped my arms around my waist and quickly marched back to the gas station. A Greyhound bus had just pulled up, and its passengers were starting to get off. I quickly disappeared inside and bought a ticket. It took me close enough to the base that I could call for Lennox to come and pick me up. Prime didn’t need my help to return to base. He could just comm-link one of the Autobots and receive directions.

I received my ticket and walked outside. Optimus stood; arms crossed over his chest before the large grey bus. “Where are you going?” He demanded. I watched his eyes darken before me as people walked around him, some entering the bus while others disembarked.

“Back to base.” It was a quick reply as I walked around him. I didn’t get one or two steps away when arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me over a strong shoulder. I looked over my shoulder before slamming my hands down across the holoform’s back. “Optimus, let me go.”

“We return to base together.” His voice was tight and held a bit of bite to each word.

Optimus turned back to his real self, the passenger door opening. He tossed me in before joining. I tried to move over to the driver’s side, but the door locked quickly. I turned to him before slamming my hand against the steering wheel, causing the horn to sound.

“This isn’t right,” I yelled, my face having tears burning within my eyes and my cheeks red from everything that has happened.

“And you think telling me you see me more than a friend was?” He retorted back as he approached me, his hands curling into fists as he leaned over me.

“It is not the same,” I returned, turning to face away from him.

Prime rumbled deeply before grabbing my shoulder and forcing me to look at him, my body leaning up against the driver’s side door. “Yes, it is. You love me, don’t you?”

I gasped as I looked him in the eye. He must have seen something, for he only blinked his eyes and rotated away from me. I gasped quietly. Tears quickly return, burning and rolling slowly down my cheek. I knew it was stupid. The small amount of hope that held within my heart was destroyed before I even had a chance.

Prime sat there facing away from me, saying nothing for a few minutes, allowing me to unlock the driver’s door and slip out. The Greyhound bus was loading its last passengers. I had a single bag that I dragged out. I never looked back as I walked onto the bus and towards the back. I smashed my hand over my eyes, roughly drying the tears that continued to stubbornly fall.

When the door closed and the long vehicle started to drive away, I saw Prime’s holoform. He was running towards the bus. It looked like he was yelling something, but it didn’t matter what he said. His actions were proof enough. The bus pulled out into the highway. I glanced behind me. His holoform was no longer there. I figured that he dismissed it and started his real form back up.

Leaning my head against the window, I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to take over. When I opened them once more, a person’s hand was on my shoulder. I looked out the window and noticed we were at a different bus stop. I grabbed my bag and walked out, stopping at a pay phone.

Using the coins I had inside my pocket, I called the unlisted number. It rang three times before someone answered, a familiar voice. I spoke the code name, which Ratchet had told us we could use if we were using a pay or public phone: Orion.

Lennox questioned me why I was using a public phone. I couldn’t tell him the truth. I fibbed a lie explaining that Prime and I got separated. I told him I needed a ride, and that I was almost an hour away from the base. I would walk towards it so that no one would question me. He agreed to send someone.

The sun was high in the sky as I walked down the single-lane road. The desert heat burned against my neck. I had already removed my first layer of clothing, leaving me in the heathered white tank top. I tied my first layer around my waist and continued walking.

I don’t know how long I had been walking when I heard a loud horn. Stopping, I looked towards the horizon and saw a silver car racing towards me. It stopped. I opened the passenger door and slid in, the air conditioner cooling my heated skin. Sideswipe said nothing as he quickly made a U-turn and raced back to base.

Lennox asked me only one question: where was Prime? Ironhide had an answer which I assumed was the comm link from Prime and quickly gave the coordinates for a huge plane to disappear into the sky with him onboard. I retreated to my room, emptying my bag and trying to clear my thoughts.

It was hours later when the same large plane returned, the bouncing of its wheels hitting the hard concrete. I stepped outside, refreshed from a shower, and stood leaning against the wall with my arms crossed. The maw of the plane opened. Ironhide drove off first, transforming and walking towards Ratchet. Optimus rolled off last. He didn’t transform right away. Instead, his vehicle rolled to a stop.

I watched as the driver-side door opened. Feet covered in dark black boots landed hard on the floor. An olive skin tone hand pushed the door closed before it dropped to its side. Prime’s holoform stood beside his real self, his bright blue eyes looking around the military base.

Ratchet, Ironhide, and even Lennox walked over. All three talked in harsh, soft tones. I watched as Lennox raised a hand to cover his mouth. Ironhide threw his arms up into the air and Ratchet turned away. It was only a few seconds before Lennox stepped to the side and pointed in my direction. Prime saw me. I turned away and began my walk back to the human barracks.

Prime’s deep baritone voice called out to me, his feet slamming against the hard surface as he chased after me. I knew his real self had rolled a certain distance; the quiet engine of the big rig was easy to determine over all the other sounds within the base. That was how much I knew of the prominent leader. He was everything to me, or at least till I learn how he felt.

I continued my walk, my feet picking up speed. I turned a corner and started running. Prime’s voice echoed down the hall. I shook my head, tears splashing away from my face. I couldn’t face him, only to hear him utter the words I was afraid to hear. I turned another corner, coming to a dead in. My hands banged against the wall before I pulled open the supply door and disappeared inside.

The room contained extra of everything: tables, chairs, desks, and even beds. It was huge. I moved between each piece of furniture towards the back where a huge garage door sat closed. I tried raising the metal just as I heard the door open and close. Ducking down, I pressed my body in between the desk’s opening.

It was foolish to sit here hidden in the back of the room, afraid of meeting with the Autobot commander. He was a leader, a force to be seen with. He led his soldiers with a strong motto, always returning and always heading out. Everyone knew how much he wanted each battle to end without loss, how he wanted the war to end so that blood and energon would not be spilled. His voice alone held so much power that almost everyone would follow him. Optimus Prime was no mere leader nor a ruler, but a symbol for everyone, even little me who had fallen in love with the twenty-eight-foot Cybertronian giant.

I heard the boots stop before the desk I hid under. His hands landed hard against the material as he moved around the large object, dropping into a squat. I looked at him, my eyes puffy and red from the tears. He raised one hand and gently traced with his thumb, rubbing the remaining of my tears away. His blue eyes stared into mine, my breath coming out in short pants.

“This ends now,” he started, his voice so deep and soft. “No more games, no more running.”

I wanted to run. I wanted to push against him and make my way outside. I was not a pushover. I lived with older brothers, most of who decided to do harder employment besides the military. I was their little princess that everyone wanted to protect. Even my ex-boyfriend wanted to protect me, a bit too much if I had my opinion on it. Here on base, I ran with everyone. I put up with everything that was thrown at me and pushed it back even harder. If men came at me wrong, well, my foot found its place right between their legs.

However, hiding under the desk while Prime’s holoform stood over me, I felt small. I felt like someone that was holding a secret, afraid of the outcome if said secret would escape. I wanted that small bit of hope to remain, but his actions within his vehicular mode played across my mind, reminding me that maybe that small bit of hope was only a dream.

“You cannot just say something without me responding,” Prime continued, his thumb still rubbing against my face. I looked up at him, my eyes holding sorrow as they filtered through my long eyelashes. Water still pooled upon each long lash as I blinked. “You never allowed me to say a single word back before running and disappearing.”

I turned away from him, his hand dropping to my shoulder. “Would it have mattered? You turned away from me and said not a word.” My voice was almost a whisper. My heart felt like it was being crushed as I waited for him to either say something or just plain leave.

“You didn’t give me a chance,” he retorted softly. “My commlink went off. I needed to respond.”

I gave off a dry chuckle, “You could have ignored it.”

Prime reached with his hand, cupping my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye. He lowered his face so that his breath was upon my lips. “Not when it regarded your life.” His mouth ghosted over my lips, stealing what little air I had within my lungs.

I sat there staring into electric blue. My mouth sat open as the faint touch of his lips touched my mind, his words echoing through my thoughts. “Does this mean…” It was a faint question as I blinked up at him.

He narrowed his eyes as he responded, “What do you think?” His mouth smashed upon mine, his hand digging into my hair as he stole my breath away with a deep, passionate kiss. “Did you not think that I would not return the same feelings, someone who has been by my side for so long?”

I swallowed hard, my tongue dusting over my lips where his once were. “I wasn’t sure what to think.”

Prime leaned forward, his eyes narrowing once more. “You should have stayed. I never revealed my holoform, for I knew it wasn’t the right moment. That truck wash was pushing it.”

“Pushing what?” I asked timidly, as I swallowed hard once again. His eyes bore into my own before he flickered them across my lips and down across my lithe body.

“Pushing on how much I wanted you, how much I wanted to claim you as mine.”

“But?” My voice was quiet as I stared into his blue eyes. His thumb had returned to caressing my jaw, the subtle touch enough for me to lean into his hand.

Dropping his hand, Prime turned away. He moved to sit with one knee bent and the other resting across it. Prime breathed deeply as he stared out into the large room, “You know as much as I that these types of relationships are forbidden, though.”

“Should it matter when we both return the same forbidden feelings?”

Prime chuckled as he shook his head, “I wish it was that easy, but I am Prime, a leader and ruler of my people. These rules were put there for a reason. If I give in to temptation, I would be putting that somebody in danger. I would be putting everyone in danger, my people and the human race. Something that I cannot risk.”

I watched as Optimus stood. He stared down at me, his blue eyes lingering on me for a few seconds before he turned to walk around the items in the room. I crawled out and stood up. His hands were curled into tight fists as he reached for the door. He didn’t look back or say a word. I just watched as the door opened and closed behind him, leaving me within the room alone with silence as my company.

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